Emotional Affair

I read this article on emotional affairs that I wanted to share, because of my own experiences with one and the devastation it caused and the lingering hurt and mistrust.

The flesh is weak, but the heart, the heart is a whole other matter.

When I was in college I was in a long distance relationship for a while. She was, is, a wonderful person. One time when I was up visiting her, we had had a wonderful weekend and when I was about to go she broke down crying and said that she had been unfaithful. It was one night, she was drunk, and she clearly felt bad about it, and, most importantly, her heart was in our relationship not with the other person. I was more touched by the amount of regret and emotion she showed me than anything. Her honesty was overwhelming. All was forgiven.

With my ex-wife's emotional affair, the lies never stopped. It went on for over a year and it was "intense" in her words. She was in constant contact with him, even when we were on vacation, she spent at least two nights in bed with him (but says nothing happen) when I was out of town working and she kissed him, at least once, after the first night in bed with him. This is what I know for certain. She said she thought he was her soul-mate. He turned out to be an ass. There's more, and worse, but you that's good for now.

The thing is, she's never felt that she did anything wrong. Worse than your spouse having an affair, betraying you, you having to feel that pain and confusion, is them turning around and making it your issue. That will do your head in. And having your head messed with while feeling the pain of broken heart, that's wrong on all kinds of levels.

Having an emotional affair is very different than having a friend of the opposite sex, of which I have many, or even being attracted to a friend or co-worker. The emotional affair is on a whole other level. It's a betrayal. And it hurts, and it's okay that it hurts, if the heart and soul mean something to you then it should. It's not your issue. If your spouse isn't emotionally invested in you, or your relationship, at a level which your feelings matter to them, well that says a lot. Or, in hindsight, it should have.

Emotional Infidelity: Worse Than A Sexual Affair?