Emotional Affair

I read this article on emotional affairs that I wanted to share, because of my own experiences with one and the devastation it caused and the lingering hurt and mistrust.

The flesh is weak, but the heart, the heart is a whole other matter.

When I was in college I was in a long distance relationship for a while. She was, is, a wonderful person. One time when I was up visiting her, we had had a wonderful weekend and when I was about to go she broke down crying and said that she had been unfaithful. It was one night, she was drunk, and she clearly felt bad about it, and, most importantly, her heart was in our relationship not with the other person. I was more touched by the amount of regret and emotion she showed me than anything. Her honesty was overwhelming. All was forgiven.

With my ex-wife's emotional affair, the lies never stopped. It went on for over a year and it was "intense" in her words. She was in constant contact with him, even when we were on vacation, she spent at least two nights in bed with him (but says nothing happen) when I was out of town working and she kissed him, at least once, after the first night in bed with him. This is what I know for certain. She said she thought he was her soul-mate. He turned out to be an ass. There's more, and worse, but you that's good for now.

The thing is, she's never felt that she did anything wrong. Worse than your spouse having an affair, betraying you, you having to feel that pain and confusion, is them turning around and making it your issue. That will do your head in. And having your head messed with while feeling the pain of broken heart, that's wrong on all kinds of levels.

Having an emotional affair is very different than having a friend of the opposite sex, of which I have many, or even being attracted to a friend or co-worker. The emotional affair is on a whole other level. It's a betrayal. And it hurts, and it's okay that it hurts, if the heart and soul mean something to you then it should. It's not your issue. If your spouse isn't emotionally invested in you, or your relationship, at a level which your feelings matter to them, well that says a lot. Or, in hindsight, it should have.

Emotional Infidelity: Worse Than A Sexual Affair?

Ready for the paper edit.

Book Launches/Signings

The book launch for Colin Frizzell's Chill was held at the Historic Chapters at Runnymede Theatre, in Toronto, Ontario.Colin was introduced by Toronto actor Rob Fulton. Others in attendance were many friends and family, including fellow Canadian author, Matt Beam.

Sessions

When I was in my late 20′s I decided to learn to play the guitar. I had many false starts before that, even getting lessons when I was barely old enough to hold a guitar and then trying again in my late teens. 

I always had an interest in, and love for, music and lyrics but very little discipline. The discipline came with age, I reckon. I started to play and then to try and write songs, just for another form of creative expression. I also found that playing helped me in my fiction writing, also. I don't know exactly how, but it did.  

In 2011 I got together with long time friend George Vaughan for a musical session . George and I had been friends since we were kids, growing up in the same area and having gone to school together from elementary through post secondary at Loyalist College of Applied Arts and Technology. 

George is the host of the Saturday Night Blues Review on 91X Alternative Radio, and has a tremendous voice of his own; one that I, and everyone who has heard it, felt he should be sharing with the world. There's more to the story, as there is to all good stories, but rather than me yammering on I'll just let you listen to the music. :) 

Here’s a few songs—from what turned into 2 separate sessions—including a cover Thompson Twins’ Hold Me Now, and another with special guest guitarist, Darcie Kingsman (owner of Seed of Life, landscape design).

Sorry for the poor quality of the recordings.

Filmography

Before becoming a published author I also worked in film. Some of the films I worked on are listed in my filmography on the Internet Movie Database: IMDb. I studied acting at Toronto's New School of Drama, and went through the improvisation program at Toronto's legendary Second City. I was also a member of LIFT (Liaison of Independent Filmmakers of Toronto), and did a feature interview, entitled Sounds Good, for their newsletter, with Genie award-winning sound engineer, Daniel Pellerin (The Sweet Hereafter, American Psycho).

While my post secondary diploma is in Radio Broadcasting, I also took a year of television—at Loyalist College of Applied Arts and Technology—and a year and a half of film at Humber College (where I also took classes in abnormal psychology and short fiction), in Toronto, before moving to Northern Ireland where I got his first job in film, on the feature Divorcing Jack (directed by David Caffrey; written by Colin Bateman; staring David Thewlis) as a Driver/Assistant Director Trainee. While at Humber he made an end of first year student short film, Forgiveness, staring CBC reporter, Tim Duboyce.

Forgiveness(Adult Content):

WELCOME

"If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad." — Lord Byron

Hello and welcome to my blog. Its been up and running since 2009. I’ve written over 1000 entries, of which slightly over 400 are currently available for reading. Writing, just like any other art or craft, needs to be practiced everyday, one way or another. If I can’t write one day, I read, if I can’t read, I watch a movie or a well-written television program, listen to good music (something that makes me feel and hopefully deepens my empathy), tell stories, observe my surroundings, engage in conversation, listen, dream, take notes, always trying to create and recreate in one form or another.
Three years ago, while going through a rather nasty divorce, I decided to try and do some of that on a blog (not the best timing, I gotta tell ya; but there you have it).
If while reading the blog, there appears to be contradiction in things I say, that’s because there most likely is; to paraphrase Thomas Merton, I’m always circling around the same centre, but that means I’m constantly seeing it from different angles.

“My reality needs imagination like a bulb needs a socket. My imagination needs reality like a blind man needs a cane.” ― Tom Waits

My writing can be influenced by anything. What I’m reading, listening to, ease-dropping on (I’m not above it), living; it might be funny (strange or haha), sarcastic, dark, personal, whatever mood I feel best fits the piece, or whatever shape it ends up taking. Sometimes, well, I think it was musician/songwriter Tom Waits who said, I just need a place to put all the bad stuff. I know he said, “If I exorcise my devils, well, my angels may leave too." Writing is a way of letting your demons run around the yard until they tire out, and then you can get on with things because you’ve left your angels well rested. And, by sharing our demons, forcing them out into the light, I find that they become a little less scary for both the reader and the writer, and the reader and the writer are left feeling a little less alone in a vast and mostly empty universe.

"Self-consciousness is the enemy of all art, be it acting, writing, painting, or living itself, which is the greatest art of all."
— Ray Bradbury

When I write I try to have as little conscious influence on it as I can. I want to get out of the way to let the character speak or find something deeper within myself, so what I’m writing can become what it was meant to be, or as close to it as I can bring it. Like Michelangelo said, “Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.” Not that I’m comparing my writing to a work by Michelangelo, mind you, but when Michelangelo gives you a bit of advice on the creative process, I reckon it is best to shut up and listen, and if it works, pass it on, even if it doesn’t work, pass it on, the creative process can be a fickle thing, and Michelangelo is Michelangelo. Writing I feel, for first drafts anyway, isn’t so much creating, as it is to not getting in the way of creation. And by just quoting Michelangelo you can make some people think you know smart stuff.

“Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth.” —Benjamin Disraeli

I always try to be as emotionally honest as I can when I write. Emotional honesty is, to me, the most important kind, since most everything else seems to be made up of conjecture or lies.

“We read to know we’re not alone.” — taken from 'Shadowlands', a beautiful film (written by William Nicholson) about the relationship between C.S. Lewis and Joy Davidman.

I went through the entries and tried to separate everything into categories, so that things would be easier to find and the blog would look a little less like the insane ramblings of a mad man, and a little more like a writer experimenting, and a human being trying to grow, learn and dream—while making notes along the way. Though, who knows, the first could be closer to the truth. However, I am of the firm belief that all sane people question their sanity and that only the insane are certain of being of sound mental health.

So, I hope you find something on the blog you enjoy, perhaps even something to make you feel a little less alone. Please feel free to leave comments and questions. I’m also on facebook if you want to be my friend. That sounds needy, doesn’t it? Will you be my friend? Terribly desperate. It sounds like Ralphie on the Simpson’s, "It says 'I Choo-choo-choose You,' and there's a picture of a train!" Sad really, but there you have it.

All the best,

Colin

CHILL

Grade 7 Up—Chill is a talented artist. He also has a disability, a crippled leg. It has been a significant issue in his life, but it has made him a better artist by channelling his frustration. When a campaign ensues to have a mural painted at the front of the school, he is awarded the job. In the meantime, he has an immediate adverse reaction to his new English teacher. Chill's friend Sean, who narrates the story, wants to be a novelist and finds Mr. Sfinkter's attitude below par, yet wants to like him. Sfinkter promises to have one of his "publishers" look at the boy's work, which endears him to Sean but causes a rift between the teens. As the year progresses, the man repeatedly insults students, claiming that he is getting them ready for the real world. Chill's distaste for the man increases. When the mural is finally unveiled, he has painted a mad clown (Sfinkter) squishing the dreams of the kids in the school. The novel offers an interesting portrayal of how a teacher can affect a student's life. It is also a commentary on responsibility and the right and wrong way to approach issues that may come your way. Though it is written for teens in terms of plot and character, the content itself is based on a 3.5 reading level, making it perfect for struggling and reluctant readers. — (School Library Journal )

Review

"Frizzell mixes the right ingredients to please middle school boys." (Teensreadtoo.com )

"Frizzell reaches deep into the psyche of high school students...respectfully emulates the voice of a teen." (CM Magazine)

"a good read for all teens, especially for the less popular and the artistically inclined...one of the better Orca Soundings" (Kliatt )

JUST J

"Jenevieve, 13, is dealing with issues that are causing her life to spin out of control. Her mom has just passed away, her little brother is needy, and a woman, Fanny, is moving in on her dad before her mother is even buried. Just when the teen's life is hitting an all-time low, an aunt she never knew she had appears at the funeral. Regardless, her father allows J to spend the summer with Aunt Guin, a philosophizing free spirit who fixes up old houses with her friend Art and then sells them at a profit. J spends the summer camping in the backyard of a fixer-upper, learning life lessons through her aunt's random quotes. The teen's engaging voice is full of sarcasm, dry wit, and angst while her aunt's voice is ethereal and soothing." — (School Library Journal)

Review

"Frizzellis prose is engaging and well-crafted...a reader can't help but connect with J." (Globe & Mail)

"The novel has some great dialogue and descriptions...middle school girls will enjoy the short chapters, continuous wordplay and happy endings." (Voya)

"J is a force to be reckoned with...girls will enjoy [her] spunky personality and her unwillingness to give in to the emotions that rip through her." (Kliatt )

"Unique in voice and setting, and there is an unabashed emotional truth to J that resonates throughout and keeps one turning the pages. Recommended." (CM Magazine )

Additional Reviews:

Fireside Chat

Blubrry.com

Revish.com

Goodreads

Google Books

Barnes and Nobel

Chapters/Indigo

Amazon

The Book Reviews

Library Thing

 Jacket Flap